manly girl

I really need to get a desk. I'm sitting on the floor in my bedroom and this old back is starting to curl like a shrimp.

Actually, I have a desk. I have a wooden slat that has holes in the underside into which legs are to be affixed. I've even got the corresponding legs. I don't have screws but I do have a car which I could drive to the hardware store to buy screws. I don't need to buy a screwdriver because I have one already! But, I also have a crippling case of procrastination. I just put a pillow behind me and it feels nice.

I've been quite manly lately. Anatomically, I'm a female but I've noticed that exhibit a lot of typically heterosexual male qualities. Let me list a few:

1) I procrastinate. My ex-roommate moved out in February leaving me with a vacant bedroom and a head full of interior decorating ideas. Workout room? Library? Home office? Waiting room? Have I bought even my first issue of Reader's Digest to put in my new waiting room? See opening paragraph.

2) I buy flowers for girls. Tonight, I stopped by one of the "Rhymes with -an"s with a bouquet of flowers because she was feeling blue. She oohed and ahhed. I suppose if I were actually a man, I'd try to make out with her but, I'm not. I am not attracted to my female friends like that. I do, however, find Jessica Alba somewhat attractive.

3) Ok, I find Jessica Alba really attractive. Does this make me a lesbian? The boyfriend hopes so, at least part-time. I think I'm just secretly jealous that she looks good in a bikini. You pervs can think whatever you want.

4) I like to fix things. This past weekend, I had gotten saucy. I opened the blinds in my bedroom for the first time in two years to let in the sunshine. Unfortunately, I don't think they liked that much and so they decided to stay open. This creeps me out slightly because my window faces the window of another apartment on the opposite side of the alley between us. Sometimes, that girl has her blinds-that-work-just-fine open and since she is not Jessica Alba, I don't care to see her. So, tonight, after getting home from "Blue but Rhymes with -an"s apartment, I realized that my vertical blinds were still askew and non-Jessica Alba was in her room. Well, the lights were on anyway. I decided that I needed to make some waves. I took my screwdriver, the one I own, and took apart my vertical blinds and got them to close again. Only men do this.

5) I like to drive really fast. Some may find that being an Asian woman behind the wheel is treacherous enough as is. I like to do this at 95 miles per hour. One time, I got pulled over for going 95 in a 65 zone. Did I freak out? No, I took it like a man. I tried to pal around with the highway patrol officer, chummed it up with him, I did, talkin' about the game and the damn Manning brothers and shit. You know what I'm sayin'? No? Ok. Well, YOU must have been going that fast if you caught up with me, right? *chortle chortle* What, the law don't apply to you? Oh I get it.. Law Enforcement but not Law Obeyment. I'd do the same thing, bro. *wink* Still gonna write me that ticket, huh. Yeah, thank you officer. You have a safe drive too. No, no you go first.

Ahh. Five things that make me feel manly. RAWR! I'm going to watch Sports Center now. But I am NOT going to assemble a desk. Assembly is for junior high school.