everyday new year

My landlord repaved the tiny parking lot behind our apartment. On a Thursday morning, I awoke to find two gruff strangers tearing up the undulating topography of crackled cement. Steam rose from a small sideways cauldron of tar turning in the corner. They wiped out everything leaving a clean slate onto which they put a smooth black layer of asphalt. Everything old was new again.

This morning, I noticed that after only three weeks, a small weed had pushed its way through the new ground and given itself a reason to keep living. I know plants don't "decide" to do anything. They just do. It made me wonder how, under the chemical darkness of a hot layer of tar, a tiny seed could possibly want to face the unknown and grow. Ok, maybe "want" is not le mot juste. But, let's say that there are certain conditions that must be met in order for a plant to thrive. How dire the circumstances must have been for Lil' Leafy here. No sun, no soil and not much water. Somehow, there must have been just a smidge of something magical there inside that little pod and voila, a new headache for the landlord. Tenacious weeds uprooting his fresh new parking lot. It is a victory for nature.

I'm not one for New Year resolutions. I think it's more important to deal with my bad habits and weaknesses as they flare up rather than take stock annually. We are constantly in control of our situations. We choose when we are ready to deal. The boyfriend wanted to stop biting his nails at the end of summer and in two weeks was successful. For anyone who has tried to diet or quit smoking or even quit biting their nails, you know that it takes some perseverance. He bit his nails for a good five years and once he set his mind on stopping, he did. He just did. Lil' Leafy didn't hem and haw about how little sun there was or the gravely surroundings bereft of nutrients. There was no "well, it's a special occasion so I'll just have one more cupcake" or "I'm really stressed out and I didn't realize I smoked half a pack." Some water trickled in and Lil' Leafy just grew.

We all have landlords trying to pave us down. Some landlords manifest in bosses or relatives, others in the invisble shackles that tether us to our inadequacies. But if you want to grow, just grow. Small leafy things do it all year long.